such a fucking mess, I try to crash –
perhaps if I sleep no one
will notice. it’s not . . .
fuck me I don’t know . . .
maybe depression?
or just … yeah, addiction
fuckign duh

but then,

maybe life just
fucked me too hard
sans protection
and I’m infected with its antagonism
and medicating myself
with the only comforts
I’ve known to be reliable?

regardless, I now must turn
to help from strangers
and depend on kindness
or the professionalism
of those duly trained and educated.

or raise my one-digit salute
and go my own sulking way . . . .

dm pitchford    12/24/23